Random Tangent #242: "We come from France"
Dear online diary...
since our relationship has down graded from a school driven blog into one that i just post random crap in the transition of my finishing my portfolio, resume, moving back to texas and getting a job i just figured the jig was up and that i should admit that you are my online mental garage sale....
5 cents for the whole box....
we are all in a state of transition...from one thing to the next all the time...and i don' t mean that shifting of mental gears from the time you leave your job to the time you are sitting and eating dinner and catching up on the news of the day--i mean that life shift...that place where things aren't quite as steady as they always seemed to be....and being right smack dab in the middle of it--almost to the point where i feel my mentality existing in 2 states simultaneously--
i am almost wondering if there ever WAS that place where things were steady....i wonder if we convince ourselves of "steadiness" in our lives and it's actually always shifting, granted sometimes the shift is imperceptible at the time, but it's always building up to something or tearing down or shifting....like air currents...Ethereal and yet the effects are tangible and able to be recorded...
and i'm right there.
between here and there....that spectrum of gray space....Interstitial....Nebulous...
between making a choice, between making a move....
the weirdest part is that although i feel like i have alot on the line...i have everything on the line right now and that is no exaggeration--personal life, professional life, objects, ideas, people..... for one of the first times in my life i have all my money on the table and in play, i could be hitchhiking home with a towel around me-- i've almost become used to it.....it's almost....preternatural.....to me now....maybe....maybe not...behind it i do crave stability in my life to point where it is almost real to me and i can touch it...almost...
it's almost like the whole of the last year of my life has gotten me ready for this hazy fog that i exist in right now.....
the moving across the country, the shifting alliances between people i know and care for, the crazy expectations of my mental flexibility in random situations that have come up here and there....those were all preparing me for this place. this existence. this state. this shift.
with all this shifting i'm actually having dreams again...almost every night now...but they are always set in france...
paris, the countryside, various medieval churches, on trains traveling through france, in the middle of french vineyards...in the woods in france....
various time periods: modern, the dark ages, victorian times...
it's all really odd and yet it seems to explain this shifting within and around me....
why france though....hhhhmmmm....
i could go for france.
ps. on this fabulous saturday with a 50% chance of rain i am still sitting here in my pjs at 1pm with a cup of coffee a light lunch and watching the movie hackers.....it's a good day to lounge in bed....lounge....even the word seems to just roll off the tongue....lounge.... =)
posted by ekeith @ 11:58 AM
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