random tangents

My Day on the Emotional Spectrum of Thesis:

Determined[2am of today] : just finished pinning up my thesis board after a week of living in the computer lab of Tulane University.....jenn helped me finish up and polish my maya fluid animations....determined to get everything finished so that i could actually get a good nights sleep[whatever that is...i forgot] before the final thesis presentation @ 2pm

Hopeful[3am]: i went to sleep with hope for my presentation

Panic[noon]: i woke up in a panic because i had set my alarm for 10am to get to school and plan what i was going to say

Nervousness[1:30pm]: getting to school and hoping to have enough time to come up with something to say...

Unexpecting/Un-Assuming[2pm]: my final thesis presentation

LIVID[2:35pm]: i yelled at a one of the critics during my presentation....apparently my thought process at the time was one of "if i go down, i'm going down in a ball of flame baby....let's rumble"...

Sadness/Frustration[3:15pm]: my thesis presentation ends

Embarrassment[3:45pm]: after smoking a cigarette and playing through the most anti-climactic review in my life...i COULD NOT beleive that i yelled at a reviewer...and no matter WHAT he said i could have stood up for my project without being not only unprofessional but practically homicidal[had he been within slapping distance....]

Apologetic[4pm]: i apologized to my thesis advisor for my behavior, and then to the Dean of Tulane School of Architecture....yes the dean was there and yes i yelled at the critic in front of the Dean

Incredulous[4:30pm]: after swallowing my pride i approached the dean in his office....and apologized.....funny part is this...the dean said that in his 20 years as a professor and dean he had never had a student approach him and apologize for their unprofessional behavior. He was SO IMPRESSED that he offered to schedule a meeting with me next week to suggest firms in and around philly/nyc/boston area!!!! AND when i mentioned that my dream job would be to work with Lindy Roy, and that although she is hiring for 2 positions right now she is looking to hire someone with more experience...he suggested that i apply anyway AND HE OFFERED TO GIVE ME A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION ON MY PORTFOLIO!!!! At this point i think i said outloud "you do realize that my review went hell...right?" --- i don't even remember if i said this...but i sure was thinking it... i guess not though since he didn't respond...

Happiness and doing the victory dance[4:50pm]: I CAN NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED!! Did i enter some kind of wormhole?? THE DEAN OF THE SCHOOL OF ARCHITECTURE AT TULANE IS GIVING ME A RECOMMENDATION!!! VVVIIIICCCTTTOOORRRYYYY DDDDAAAANNNNCCCEEE!!!!

from this point i called my mom and dad and told them what happened...and OF COURSE my mom and dad were SOOO disappointed with my initial reaction, but glad that i actually had enough of my wits about me that i went back and apologized....and they were VERY pleased about my new job opportunities...

Closure[6pm]: we are served good champagne in plastic martini glasses and do the "toast" thing to show our appreciation for the advisors, faculty and staff that supported our process...

so yeah...i went back and forth between crying, depression about the review--which counts as 40% of our grade, and relative happiness....if my academic career ends on a low note, maybe my actual career will start better....AND the fact that IT IS OVER NOW, I'M ABOUT TO GRADUATE, AND IT'S MY BIRTHDAY THIS WEEKEND!!!

[ps...i completely forgot that this weekend was my birthday...ALL of my focus has been on finishing thesis without losing my mind...]


so yeah...i went to bed at 10pm after having dinner with some other thesis students....sharing pain lessens it...
went home and was in bed by 10pm...and right now it's 4:31 in the morning!!! my sleep schedule is SOO out of whack....i woke up at 2:30am and felt like i had to do something...

posted by ekeith @ 2:46 AM